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14 June 2011 @ 09:52 pm
I have moved over to blogspot (I already have a burlesque blog over there so I thought I'd keep everything in the same place). I will eventually leave livejournal but am cross-posting for the time being.

Most of what is currently posted is already up here but there is a new post on divination.

13 June 2011 @ 09:29 pm
Moving over to blogspot


Making a fresh start. I have been negative on here in the past and it became a dumping ground for my emotions. I have a diary for that now!
10 June 2011 @ 06:15 pm
Why is it that most forums discussing magick are wiccan/witch based? I know the craft is very much a part of their faith but other pagan paths have magick too
10 June 2011 @ 06:07 pm
I'm in another state of spiritual confusion but at least this time I know that I hold the power to straighten things out. I'm still suffering from depression which has really hindered my spiritual progress, not to mention that my self-esteem issues have me trying to shoehorn myself into any group I feel will give me the answers on a silver platter. It's no good reading (or rather, skim-reading) the books and collecting trinkets. I need to connect with the divine whether I am in front of a shrine or not.

They are coming back to me. I have had some beautiful dreams and experiences lately that have sparked a sense of longing in my heart.

Bast dream: I was sat in my living room when I noticed my Bast statue was turning her head and looking around the room. I was dumbstruck! I managed to say "I saw that" and She seemed as shocked as I was...almost as if I had managed to connect to the unseen world. I went on to have a lovely conversation with Bast and woke up feeling immense love

Anubis dream: I was in a temple complex but with a very relaxed, homey atmosphere. I kept kneeling to the Anubis statues and confusing my companions (non pagans). Suddenly one of the statues became the God himself. He made me a delicious cup of tea (my favourite!) and sat with me. We didn't need to talk, I just enjoyed the tea and sitting with him. A cool breeze drifted through the temple and I felt pure peace. I was so excited when I woke up I had to tell my husband. Now, he is Christian but he doesn't deny my faith or Gods. In fact, he's experienced a few coincidences that we both chuckle about. We agree that we both have faith and follow a good path, our bosses are just based in different offices :)

The final thing is an experience that shocked me. I've been trying to open myself up to more things but in a controlled way. Before when I have dabbled with divination or the like I have ended up scaring myself because things move so quickly. I have been experiencing many of the symptoms that are associated with your spirit becoming more attuned with the unseen world. A psychic even told me that I have a talent but am blocking it. A few practices based on instinct rather than me focusing too hard have been positive.

Anyhoo, I went to church with my husband and sister-in-law. I've only been to church a handful of times my entire life and have felt uncomfortable every single time. Aset even had to rescue me once from fainting in a Baptist church. I went to be with my husband and to share in his faith, seen as he is so accepting of mine. Almost two hours into the long and boring service a new preacher came on stage. He was charismatic, smart and full of spirit. I saw his aura and this is what shocked me. I saw it so strong and so clearly I thought I was hallucinating. It was golden and stretched all around him like a light. I checked other people on the stage but picked up nothing from them. It was beautiful. I told my husband, s-i-l and her friends but their reactions made me feel as though they were humouring the little pagan they had hoped to convert (not my husband!). How can they go to church at least twice a week and be so pious yet dismiss something so divine?
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
17 March 2011 @ 06:36 pm
My birthday was last Thursday, tomorrow my fiance is going for an important interview and then on Saturday we're getting married! eeep. There's still so much left to do and all I want to do is eat potato salad and research my family tree. Why must you do this to me brain? Focus!
11 February 2011 @ 01:16 pm
Blimmin' 'eck, it's been a while! Well, what's been happening? Still living in nice little one bed house that feels like it's getting smaller. It's a great place but we're starting to need more room. We've got two cats now, plus both my other half and I need space for our work/projects (him with his computer, me with my art, writing and faith.)

Finally got a move on with getting my various illnesses dealt with. I have an official diagnosis of Conversion and Dis-associative Disorders. Conversion basically means that when I get stressed or anxious, my brain makes my body suffer. For example, I was stressed recently about a pending court hearing and couldn't get out of bed for two days. I knew what I was stressed about but could not move my legs. The dis-associative thingy makes my brain shut down whenever I can't cope with a situation, am depressed or tired. It can happen at any moment. I'll be sat there with people and will completely blank them. I'm often suddenly realised I'm watching a movie but have no idea how I put it on or how much of it I have missed. It's a bit like having split personality disorder - only there's no other personality coming out...I just disappear.

Anyhoo, I'm now in therapy for that. It actually starts next Thursday because I've been transferred to a more specialist unit on the other side of the city. It's a pain to travel to, especially as my other half isn't allowed in the sessions with me. Poor thing has to sit on his tod for two hours then drive me back home before going to work. I'm also not allowed to get pregnant whilst in therapy or they will cancel it. They say it's dangerous to be having this sort of therapy mixed in with pregnancy hormones...I could get worse. I suppose it makes sense to wait until we're both earning a wage or OH gets a better paid job.

The big W day is fast approaching on March 19th then honeymoon in a log cabin in Wales. I know it's not the Hawaiian or New York trips out well off friends have had but it's going to be so romantic. It's up in the mountains so I'm hoping there will be snow. We'll have a log fire, sauna and jacuzzi, plus our kitties can come with us.

What else? Oh, I lost my job in May 2010 but can't legally discuss it too much. Never mind, now I can focus on becoming an author and freelance writer once I've cleared my head problems.

14 November 2010 @ 01:31 am
There are so many rumours flying around both camps. It all feels so wrong. Where is Ma'at> Where is truth?
17 October 2010 @ 10:07 pm
Fans of vampires (and werewolves) should buy BITE ME magazine! http://www.bitememagazine.com/index.html
22 August 2010 @ 09:38 pm
An incredibly frustrating day....nay, last few hours, in which I am left pondering why I am even here. Am I even making a dent in this world? Am I doing good, do I have a purpose?

I made the mistake of reading discussions on Richard Dawkins facebook group. I am all for people being atheist if that is what they truly believe in their heart...but don't tell me I am stupid because I have faith. Don't sit there and tell me you hope that I will see the light and abandon my gods because you sound like a fundamentalist from ANY faith. Don't tell me I can't believe in evolution and a higher power or face being called a hypocrite. The Egyptian myths (and they are myths...metaphors for what really happened) tell of the world being born from a celestial egg (the big bang anyone?) and that life came forth from the primordial waters of Nun. Khnum doesn't literally create us on a little wheel, Ra didn't literally masturbate everything into creation but what really happened is so beyond our tiny human brains that we have to 'dumb it down'. No one can truly say what the gods are or the meaning of life...it would destroy us to know. We also have faith rather than the gods appearing and saying 'here we are, now worship us' because we have FREE WILL. If we knew for certain the gods existed people would follow out of fear rather than love.

Second annoying thing was seeing someone who claims to be spiritual and to love animals buying fur to prance around in. This would be ok if it were vintage or died of natural causes but these wolves are being hunted to people can feel 'holier than thou'. Let the wolf keep it's fur, buy something fake or go naked. I wouldn't dare to skin cats and dance around with ideas of being Bast. Not because of fear of what She would do but BECAUSE IT'S WRONG!

Also today, I saw that the slave trade is still big in Britain. Yep, we're still shipping over black slaves (in addition to the eastern european sex slaves and oriental sweat shop slaves) I'm disgusted. I just can't believe in the 21st century people still think it's ok to do things like this.

Where is this world going?
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
20 August 2010 @ 01:39 pm
Gosh I can be quite miserable at times! I previously posted our woes about the wedding. For those interested (no, I'm not really interested and it's my wedding! That's what your get after a four year engagement...I'm sick of wedding plans) we have funding and I have been uber frugal. I found an amazing vintage dress on ebay in the style I want (and can get nowhere else) for only £27! Mum wasn't too happy I didn't go dress shopping with her but why pay £500 for a poofy dress I don't like?

It's going to be a wonderful, non-denominational day of commitment. The theme is loosely based in True Blood (my dress mimics Sookies white nightgown in series one and we're going to have some deep south style music and decoration). It's also got hints of romance and vintage styles. Very us and very laid back.

My writing hasn't progressed much but I'm feeling positive. I really need to talk to Seshat about my organisational skills, and to Djehuty about actually writing down what's in my head.
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful